Bad Lie

The infant sun had just begun to lace cobwebs of light into the inky eastern sky as I rolled into Terra Nova’s parking lot. It is Practice time and I love, love, love it. What a privilege it is, to be able to hit all the golf balls I want, without the serious consequences of playing a round. I could be here all morning, idly chatting with the other duffers, putting and hitting my usual, 2 large buckets.

A professional athlete once demeaned practicing his craft by saying “Practice!? We’re talking about Practice!!” How I wish I had a small percentage of his awesome skills. It seems most of us don’t appreciate what we have until the proverbial well runs dry. That was true of me also. Ten years ago I was the healthiest grape in the bunch or so I thought, until I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease, PD. Overnight, it seemed, I went from graceful semi-elite athlete to a stick-like, articulated Pinocchio. (I ain’t lying)

Embarking on a new phase of my life, at 50 years old, I had just become a Licensed Acupuncturist and opened a large office in Sarasota, Florida to start my Practice. I specialized in pain. Local MD’s would send their “lost causes” to me and I managed to help a good deal of them recover their active lifestyles, which gave me the greatest satisfaction.

I was always very active physically, playing upper level, club tennis 4 or 5 times a week, doing Tai Chi or yoga, jogging, biking usually on the beach, as well as Pilates, weight work etc., etc. I usually tailored my workouts to fit the sport I was doing at the time. For example in September I would begin to prepare for ski season with squats etc. Life was great!
Then I began to feel strange, a little dull and off kilter, not all the time, but enough to concern me. Eventually I would grow to feel very slow, stupid and awkward. I tried to heal myself but to no avail, I tried the many alternative medical options available to me, no luck. I had taught Western Pathology at the Acupuncture College so I was pretty sure that I knew what I had before I went into the Neurologists office. But the shock of hearing MY diagnosis spoken aloud, was devastating. “It can’t be” so I sought other opinions…same result. I ran like a man on fire only slower!

Parkinson’s Disease, PD, is a chronic degenerative disease of the brain that results in a slow drop into Hell, where the simplest of tasks , such as putting on socks, become monumental. With your ability to function diminishing daily, it is very difficult to keep your spirits up. Each PD patient has their own unique mélange of symptoms. Some shake, some freeze and can’t initiate movement, some suffer severe cognitive impairment, most lose confidence and have a huge tendency towards severe depression, some lucky ones get the whole enchilada!

I, (Irish lucky), suffered in a remote, pain and shame-filled angry silence, frequently crying uncontrollably when alone. My life was over.  Suicide was never far from my thoughts, my four grandkids being the main waypoint for staying the course. My dear, hyper-gregarious wife, from whom I hid my symptoms and diagnosis for a year, would remind me to smile and blink when we socialized, (of which we did less and less). “You’ll scare people with that scowl” she used to say. “Who cares?’ was my usual expletive-deleted response.

 Michael J. Fox, that good man, when asked if he was an optimist, replied

“I’ve taken up guitar and golf at 40 years old, what do you think?”

But it was another Fox who was to become my Golfing Guru. Bruce Fox, himself an obsessive golf rookie, literally dragged me out to play my first post-diagnosis round of PD golf. I had played a little, back in my New York days, but that was 20 years prior. Since I’d stopped playing tennis, lost my motivation to work out and was wallowing in a sea of self-pity, I was reluctant. Bruce cut through that act with the question “What do you have to lose?” He was right; I’d already lost my self-respect, self-confidence, my grace and courage. So I agreed to play a round with him, “but only as a twosome”, I wanted as few witnesses as possible, to what I figured would be a debacle of epic proportions. But he brought his good friend Bret, a more experienced golfer, to help me. I skipped the first tee and Bruce said to me as I waggled his driver at the anxious ball on the second tee. “Let’s leave your PD there in the parking lot and just have some fun for a few hours without judgment.” So, that’s what I did and boy o boy did I have a blast, swinging away with wild abandon. When I hit a bad shot, Bret patiently rolled another ball out to me, gave me a quick pointer and I flailed away. The day was magical and we had the entire course to ourselves. The raw, natural beauty, the crisp air, the low September afternoon sunlight dappling us and the gratitude I felt for their generosity almost brought me to tears.

Soon I was testing a set of new clubs, signing up for group lessons, working out, reading Golf magazines for tips, watching videos of my swing and most importantly becoming involved in a healthy and active community again.

Am I an optimist? You bet your sweet Mish Mashie I am now! I may not be able to play my new guitar yet, but I can still swing like The King.

Well, it’s almost 7 am and I can’t wait for the lazy old Florida sun to crash through the now visible horizon so that I can “PRACTICE! WE’RE TALKING ABOUT PRACTICE!”

Ole and Fore! It just gets better from here, don’t hurry be happy!

2-Ball Joe’s tips: RELAX, stretch, slow down and breathe in the Essence!

Find balance in your life and it will naturally flow into your golf game

Enjoy your Practice time, with and to music. (I like Mozart’s Adagios, Counting Crows or James Brown, anything good works!)

Love your time on the course, it truly is a gift, be present for it!

Suspend judgment; you are already somewhat perfect! Ask your wife!

Practice, Practice, Practice! Swing a club a day, just watch out for your mother-in-law (you might miss her)!

And if you must cry, get it done before dawn so that you can get out and practice!!!!