shift key 002 (+playlist)

In the aching infant AM

In the aching infant am, I watched you sleep in our bed your boat and slip away downstream from me. Frozen in place and time, my life seems a waste now, without you.  My meds have worn off and I am dry not high, no man no cry. Sorrow, river deep, over-fills my heart, we are lost to each other, no blame…

Why do I need to suffer so? To recover Silly!

And when I recover myself I will not be Superior-guy I will be my former self only older, wiser and happier!

http://youtu.be/Y6wE2W3ag1g -Healing the King!









Hey hey hey did you hear the news 
Cat has no laces in his shoes
Could it be that he's got the blues
or is it that he's been drinking booze?
no, no, no he just went on a PD cruise
and came back happy, fast and loose!
I think his posts got a lot of views
Now he's quirkier than Howard Hughes
and he wears no laces in his shoes!

I did, did I

 

There are no colors on my walls

This saves the light when darkness falls

And I drive by lights I cannot see

Hard to believe but two begets three

I did, did I

 

I sleep I cramp my sheets are damp

I wake I rise and the pain’s no surprise

I shit I strain I clog the drain

I eat I choke hey I’m totally broke

I cry, I dry, grief storms on by

I walk I stumble She mutters “don’t mumble”

What? I say too low to hear

I love you too, my dearest dear

I shake I freeze go weak in the knees

I shop I chop I make some slop

I shit I strain is that caused by my brain?

I nap oh crap, I’m pissed again

I yell I smell it’s a living hell

I mope I cope and  grasp at hope

 

I’ve started.

I’ll finish.

I won’t diminish

Ever

I did, did I

 

 

 

 

DeParkiePoets breakfast!

9712 654a

This poem it chased me all over town, when it finally caught me up I had to write it down

·          

Hey hey hey did you hear the news
Poet has no laces in his shoes
Could it be that he's got the blues
or is it that he's been drinking booze?
no, no, no he just went on a PD cruise
and came back happy, fast and loose!

I think his posts got lots of views
Now he's quirkier than Howard Hughes
and he wears no laces in his shoes!

 

 

 

 written in 2009...
I’m Still, Joseph McEleavy

No matter how many little indignities, diminishments and disappointments

My Life has thrown at me

I’m still Here

Sometimes giving up Sometimes standing up

And though My Life seems to have become an ever failing effort to avoid embarrassment

I am still Joyous Optimism

Because no matter that my body freezes so that I cannot move.

Shakes so that I cannot do

Or takes an hour to cook a ten minute pizza

I’m still Here

No matter that the simplest tasks defeat me

That I seem to have lost my grace, wit and spontaneity

That I sometimes weep like a jilted bride

That I forget relative importance easily, and relearn painfully

No matter that I stumble like a drunk, act like a coward

Or that I sometimes just want to die, to be done

I’m still Here

Fighting to celebrate

My Life

Start strong finish stronger, Yeah Baby!

 

 

7613….12.45 pm

I tumbled off the world tonight

You look on and it’s not right

You desert me in this deepest plight

Then you picked the petals off my rose

and left me with the thorns

I swim beside you, an armless fish, in a barrel, going in circles

My fears alight on your loss of control

As all my life savings go up in smoke

I think that you have had enough

The road has gotten a little rough

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bad Lie

The infant sun had just begun to lace cobwebs of light into the inky eastern sky as I rolled into Terra Nova’s parking lot. It is Practice time and I love, love, love it. What a privilege it is, to be able to hit all the golf balls I want, without the serious consequences of playing a round. I could be here all morning, idly chatting with the other duffers, putting and hitting my usual, 2 large buckets.

A professional athlete once demeaned practicing his craft by saying “Practice!? We’re talking about Practice!!” How I wish I had a small percentage of his awesome skills. It seems most of us don’t appreciate what we have until the proverbial well runs dry. That was true of me also. Ten years ago I was the healthiest grape in the bunch or so I thought, until I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease, PD. Overnight, it seemed, I went from graceful semi-elite athlete to a stick-like, articulated Pinocchio. (I ain’t lying)

Embarking on a new phase of my life, at 50 years old, I had just become a Licensed Acupuncturist and opened a large office in Sarasota, Florida to start my Practice. I specialized in pain. Local MD’s would send their “lost causes” to me and I managed to help a good deal of them recover their active lifestyles, which gave me the greatest satisfaction.

I was always very active physically, playing upper level, club tennis 4 or 5 times a week, doing Tai Chi or yoga, jogging, biking usually on the beach, as well as Pilates, weight work etc., etc. I usually tailored my workouts to fit the sport I was doing at the time. For example in September I would begin to prepare for ski season with squats etc. Life was great!
Then I began to feel strange, a little dull and off kilter, not all the time, but enough to concern me. Eventually I would grow to feel very slow, stupid and awkward. I tried to heal myself but to no avail, I tried the many alternative medical options available to me, no luck. I had taught Western Pathology at the Acupuncture College so I was pretty sure that I knew what I had before I went into the Neurologists office. But the shock of hearing MY diagnosis spoken aloud, was devastating. “It can’t be” so I sought other opinions…same result. I ran like a man on fire only slower!

Parkinson’s Disease, PD, is a chronic degenerative disease of the brain that results in a slow drop into Hell, where the simplest of tasks , such as putting on socks, become monumental. With your ability to function diminishing daily, it is very difficult to keep your spirits up. Each PD patient has their own unique mélange of symptoms. Some shake, some freeze and can’t initiate movement, some suffer severe cognitive impairment, most lose confidence and have a huge tendency towards severe depression, some lucky ones get the whole enchilada!

I, (Irish lucky), suffered in a remote, pain and shame-filled angry silence, frequently crying uncontrollably when alone. My life was over.  Suicide was never far from my thoughts, my four grandkids being the main waypoint for staying the course. My dear, hyper-gregarious wife, from whom I hid my symptoms and diagnosis for a year, would remind me to smile and blink when we socialized, (of which we did less and less). “You’ll scare people with that scowl” she used to say. “Who cares?’ was my usual expletive-deleted response.

 Michael J. Fox, that good man, when asked if he was an optimist, replied

“I’ve taken up guitar and golf at 40 years old, what do you think?”

But it was another Fox who was to become my Golfing Guru. Bruce Fox, himself an obsessive golf rookie, literally dragged me out to play my first post-diagnosis round of PD golf. I had played a little, back in my New York days, but that was 20 years prior. Since I’d stopped playing tennis, lost my motivation to work out and was wallowing in a sea of self-pity, I was reluctant. Bruce cut through that act with the question “What do you have to lose?” He was right; I’d already lost my self-respect, self-confidence, my grace and courage. So I agreed to play a round with him, “but only as a twosome”, I wanted as few witnesses as possible, to what I figured would be a debacle of epic proportions. But he brought his good friend Bret, a more experienced golfer, to help me. I skipped the first tee and Bruce said to me as I waggled his driver at the anxious ball on the second tee. “Let’s leave your PD there in the parking lot and just have some fun for a few hours without judgment.” So, that’s what I did and boy o boy did I have a blast, swinging away with wild abandon. When I hit a bad shot, Bret patiently rolled another ball out to me, gave me a quick pointer and I flailed away. The day was magical and we had the entire course to ourselves. The raw, natural beauty, the crisp air, the low September afternoon sunlight dappling us and the gratitude I felt for their generosity almost brought me to tears.

Soon I was testing a set of new clubs, signing up for group lessons, working out, reading Golf magazines for tips, watching videos of my swing and most importantly becoming involved in a healthy and active community again.

Am I an optimist? You bet your sweet Mish Mashie I am now! I may not be able to play my new guitar yet, but I can still swing like The King.

Well, it’s almost 7 am and I can’t wait for the lazy old Florida sun to crash through the now visible horizon so that I can “PRACTICE! WE’RE TALKING ABOUT PRACTICE!”

Ole and Fore! It just gets better from here, don’t hurry be happy!

2-Ball Joe’s tips: RELAX, stretch, slow down and breathe in the Essence!

Find balance in your life and it will naturally flow into your golf game

Enjoy your Practice time, with and to music. (I like Mozart’s Adagios, Counting Crows or James Brown, anything good works!)

Love your time on the course, it truly is a gift, be present for it!

Suspend judgment; you are already somewhat perfect! Ask your wife!

Practice, Practice, Practice! Swing a club a day, just watch out for your mother-in-law (you might miss her)!

And if you must cry, get it done before dawn so that you can get out and practice!!!!